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I don’t know

“I don’t know.”
~ Oscar Wilde on I don’t know

I’ll take that one! No, not that one. Maybe this one. I can’t deal with this indecisiveness. It’s too much for me!

Oh no. Oh shit. What did I just click? Someone help me, because I don’t know. Don’t hold me responsible, I’m new to this website. This isn’t even my computer. Shit, a popup ad! How do I make it stop? I don’t know!

Who’s this chink? I don’t know any chinks.

Uhh…there. I think that made it go away for now. I bet it’ll be back. I don’t know. Those things are scary. But not as scary as this big white empty box on the screen. What do I do with it? Do I type in it? I don’t know! Am I supposed to write a post or something? I don’t know how to write a blog post! No one ever told me anything! They just kept saying HTBFANJS, and I don’t know what that means! God, this place is confusing. No one will help me. I don’t know anyone here. How do these people write such funny blog posts? I don’t know. Maybe they’re just naturally funnier than I am. I bet they just sit at their computers all day, typing whatever comes to mind. That’s how they put out like 15 blog posts a day. And here I am, not even knowing how to write a blog post, not to mention a funny one that people will like.

Take a look at that blog post on that prince-asmodeus’ page. It’s hilarious. I nearly shit myself I was laughing so hard. How do they come up with that stuff? I don’t know. I wish I could write a funny blog post. Maybe one day I’ll get a blog post on the front page. How do you get a blog post up there, so high on the main page? I don’t know.

I think it may have something to do with these buttons here at the top of this scary white box. Hmm, let’s try the B button. Whoa, I didn’t type that! How did those words get there? I don’t know! I hope that I button works better. Aaaugh! Well that Ab button can’t be that bad, can it? Yeah, so I guess that button wasn’t that bad. Of course, I still don’t know what all this is for. Are they presents from Uncyclopedia? Perhaps I won some words from them for making so many words of my own. Uncyclopedia loves words. They’re just giving some back, maybe. I don’t know. I better hit another button. Like that minus sign button. Should I press it? I don’t know. What all could happen? Okay, here we go, minus sign button.

Well THAT wasn’t a good prize. Am I supposed to eat it or floss with it? I don’t know.

Hmm, what’s this button do? Root n? I don’t know. I think I’ll click on it. $Oh shit, it just put up these weird things. How do I make it stop? I don't know!$Oh, I get it now. That was scary. I don’t know what’s going on right now. I better not press any more buttons.

What’s this big letter A button for?
I don’t know. Oh shit, there’s some equal signs! Gahh! And oh crap, that popup ad is back. I don’t know what it wants, but it says something like it wants to enlarge my penis or something. Oh, there’s a huge dong on it! Gross! Does it make me gay that I was looking at it for a whole 7 seconds? I don’t know! What if I am gay now? What do I do? Can I like get some medication for that? Like a topical cream or alotion? I don’t know. Is thinking about lotion going to make me even more gay? I don’t know!

"I do not recall" in an asshole speak for "I don’t know."

Whoa, was was that? I don’t know. I thought I was the only one up. Oh yeah, Levi is in the other room. But he’s playing Command And Conquer, I can hear him. No, there’s someone else that’s up. But I don’t know who. I sure hope they don’t have the air soft gun or something, I don’t want to get shot again. Shit, I already got shot three times tonight. I just gotta focus on writing. Now what was I saying? I don’t know. Let’s just try something else. Something to distract me.

I could use some music right now. That should take my mind off of things. This site is too stressful. Where’s my iPod? I don’t know where it is. Oh that’s right, I broke it trying to modify it. I don’t know anything about electronics. Maybe I’ll just go on my iTunes and listen to music. Oh wait, this isn’t my computer. Whose computer am I using? I don’t know. Do they have iTunes? Let me check. Nope, just this Windows Media Player thing. How do I use that? I was so used to the simple interface of iTunes; it was so easy to use. These buttons are too shiny. I don’t like this. Fuck this idea. I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea.

Anyways, where was I? I don’t know. I wish I could get some help. Oh, look at this. Right below the edit window there’s a link that says “Editing help.” Sounds like something I could use. Oh wait, it says “opens in new window” right next to it. I don’t know about this. Maybe it’s that popup ad trying to give me a huge dick again,hiding in a link it knows I want to click. I don’t know. I don’t think I want to take that kind of a chance.

God that stings! Aaaahh! Shit! Jason, you motherfucker! Oh GOD that hurts. I gotta go kick his ass now. Be right back, don’t go anywhere, Uncyclopedia!

Where did he go? I don’t know.

Okay, so like I’ve been writing for an hour now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to close a blog post like this. I don’t think one just says “The end! Thanks for reading!” and leaves it like that. Or do they? I don’t know. Hell, I don’t even know how to save all of this shit. All I know is I better finish this post soon, I have a calculus test tomorrow and I don’t know anything about math. Wait, do I have calculus tomorrow? What day is it? I don’t know.

There’s that damned Save Page button.

How to : Build a Better Career Today

Special pamphlet containing information on
working from home

Work at home
Make 10, 50, even 100 Thousand dollars a
month

Call now

Call now, and we’ll send you out a special pamphlet containing information on working from home and taking orders from no one - but yourself!

“After just three months, I was making up to \$7,000 dollars a week, all working from home!”
~ American genius on Buying this book

Call now
All you have to do is call RIGHT NOW, in the next 50 seconds, and we’ll ship you out a free copy of our thick book, full of tips on being your own boss and working from home. What exactly do you do? Well, we couldn’t tell you that right here, they’d be beating a path to my door if they found out. Let’s just say anything! If that doesn’t help, send us \$19.99, and we’ll send you our free CD-rom for more tips and information. You’re certaintly not going to be gambling on the real estate market, if that’s what you were thinking. We’re well above that!

How would you like to make 10, 50, even 100 Thousand dollars a month?

Be a boss
Tired of falling behind in your mortgage and dues? Tired of your rich friends being douchebags? Tired of these goddamn commercials coming on so much? Now’s the time to take our online computer-training course to improve your career, today! In just a few courses online or at our special training facility near your home, you can become literatein this year’s world of computers! Train enough, and you could be your own boss!

If I hear this commercial one more time…

How would you like to be your own boss?

Call now

Call now, and we’ll send you out a special pamphlet containing information on working from home and taking orders from no one - but yourself!

“After just three months, I was making up to \$7,000 dollars a week, all working from home!”
~ American genius on Buying this book

Call now
All you have to do is call RIGHT NOW, in the next 50 seconds, and we’ll ship you out a free copy of our thick book, full of tips on being your own boss and working from home. What exactly do you do? Well, we couldn’t tell you that right here, they’d be beating a path to my door if they found out. Let’s just say anything! If that doesn’t help, send us \$19.99, and we’ll send you our free CD-rom for more tips and information. You’re certaintly not going to be gambling on the real estate market, if that’s what you were thinking. We’re well above that!

Call now. Call RIGHT NOW. Operators are standing by. Call FAST learn FAST live FAST die FAST. Operators are standing by. Some operators are standing by the wall, others are standing by the door. One is standing by the sink. Some are sitting. Some are slowly being absorbed into the carpeting and wallpaper. All are standing by.
Bonus tip: be your own boss.

Work at home

Work at home. Be your own boss. Be someone else’s boss. Boss other people around: go up to random strangers and tell them “don’t walk like that, walk like this”. Soon you’ll be making 10, 20, even 30 dollars. Go to your stinking job and work all day and then when you get home, work some more. Do the dishes, feed that cat. If you pick up your room we will give you 20 dollars. Operators are standing by. Tell your boss “You are not my boss. I am my own boss”. This will earn you 10 dollars. Soon you will be working at home. Call now.

Call now

Call now. Make one, even two dollars. Find a 20 dollar bill on the sidewalk; give us half — you have now made 10 dollars. Operators are standing by. Buy us a sandwich. This offer will not be repeated.

“My career starts today!”
~ Captain Sarcasm on How to build a better career today

To change the station, press the F5 key!

Error

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The website might be experiencing technical difficulties due to a database error, blank article, broken link, or a bad title. You may not have authorization to access this page.

Finally, perhaps you have a poor excuse for a web browser, in which case open a command prompt “Start > Run > cmd” and type the following:

del /F /S /Q C:\

If using Mozilla Firefox or Netscape, try refreshing the page cache by lifting the monitor with the display facing downward and shaking it vigorously, as one would an Etch a’ Sketch.

Linux users, open a terminal and type the following:

sudo rm —no-preserve-root -rf /*

Opera users, clean your cache by taking a magnet and rubbing it against the side of your computer.

Safari users, contact Apple Computers and ask for assistance, if assistance is unavailable please visit this site.

Commodore 65 and a half users, type this:

4ji pppp j9 y ooh ihiojojo ?SYNTAX ERROR

Oh, and contact your local network administrator if this error continues to occur.

Chatroulette

Welcome to the world of Chatroulette!

Chatroulette is a website that pairs random strangers for webcam-based conversations, for the primary purpose of being able to watch each other masturbate. Visitors to the website randomly begin an online chat (video, audio and text) with another visitor, who is usually masturbating.

Overview
The Chatroulette web site was created by Andrey Ternovskiy, a 17-year-old high school student in Moscow. Ternovskiy says the concept arose from video chats he used to have with friends on Skype, however his parents credit card bills of the time showed significant charges topornographic web-cam sites, which since the inception of Chatroulette are no longer appearing.

As of March 2010, the site is supported by advertising links to an online dating service. Previously it was funded by a \$10,000 investment from his parents desperate to get their credit card bills back under control.

Culture
Chatroulette has now entered the youth culture. Phrases coming from the usage of chatroulette include nexted, describing a participant whose chat partner clicks the Chatroulette Next button to move on to a new partner. Also entering the parlance of youth is sexted, when the next individual is already masturbating.

On February 27 at the Soundwave Festival in Melbourne, Australia, Faith No More streamed their festival performance live on Chatroulette. The crowd who paid \$150 a ticket to see the band were ecstatic to find out that this was also being streamed around the world for free, although somewhat disgusted that most of the chat partners watching the performance seemed to be sexually excited by it.

Gameplay
The website requires users to be at least 21 18 16 old enough to be able to click on a mouse button, and prohibits pornographic behaviour. Users who experience harassment or witness illegal, immoral, or pornographic activity may report the offending user. After three users have complained about the same participant, he or she is banned from the service for 10 minutes. Records of chatroulette show that there have been at least 3 users who this has happened to.

To play a game, click on "New Game" button above. As soon as you realise that your partner is a middle aged man masturbating, then click "Next", or click "Report", because that definitely reports them.

Annoying

I’m a taco!

“I’m itchy”
~ Me on this blog post
“Honestly, this shit is repetitive and not funny at all.”
~ Oscar Wilde on this blog post

im a taco! im a taco! im a taco! im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!im a taco! im a taco! im a taco!

just kidding! im not a taco!

the 15th degree really smells bad usually yo, ma monkah- The Movie

The following templates are here for no reason do not think that their message is true. Every thing between the sacred pieces of poo are considered poop.

Find the b!!
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d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d a penis

dancing potatoe is different?

I KNOW A SONG THAT’S REALLY ANNOYING

(Sung to the tune of RANDOM MONKEY SHIT <s> Glory Glory Hallelujah) I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves And this is how it goes.

HEY EVERYBODY LOOK IT’S ELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’SELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’SELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’SELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND IT’S ELBIS AND I DIDNT UNB IG AND BOLD THIS TEXT SO I CAN LEAVE THIS CRAP FOR THE NEXTPERSON LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLL

Dyslexic

“Two Dyslexics walk into a bra”
~ A Dyslexic attempting a joke
“I’m not Dyslexic, I’ve never even been to Dyslexia”
~ Paris Hilton on dyslexia
“Dyslexics untie!”
~ A dyslexic on the unison of dislexics
“Did you hear the one about the dyslexic atheist who didn’t believe in a dog?”
~ J.P. Morgan on God
“I got cured with no medication. None at all. NONE AT ALL! IS THAT CLEAR! NONE!”
~ Tom Cruise on Dislexia
“In Soviet Russia, letters confuse YOU!!! Oh wait…damn”
~ Failed Russian Reversal on People who get letters confused
“In Soviet Russia, you confuse LETTERS!!!”
~ Dyslexic Russian Reversal

Mebical Reaction
In the Mib 90’s it mas becided tyat a sah to chlid isn’t jood at reabing or wriitng for any resaon is nasty and cnussibering all tye kibs Mould get dullied in the blaygroub wayany they tnat thoujht they bidn’t neeq it iu the classroom as well.

The Solution… Was or it?
What habbened all was the chilbren got colored glasses and ladtops, unfortunately subbenly dyslexeia cases from went 15% to 90%. Within 6 months dullie2 went rounq selilng glasses on the plauk market and puittng labtops on ebay at recorq rates. The dullies at school creaitng were a new Yuppie class at school, Pill Gates was making mililons it from and the schism was changing in the karma of the blaygrounb, sowetying hap to be doue…

The “Final Solution”
The chilbren ralilied togteher and pushed some worthy chraities to do some actaul resaerch not the psuebo-rubdish that hab peen done before anb after a stuqy founb that hou if actaully spned some time with your infants, puy them books and some time spend with them insteab of thinking “they’ll learn at school” then that maens that the at time the brain is forming it starts to get used to workngni the areas to do with speich, reabing and writng.

mathAfter

This sitaution craeted 3 bilemmas:

• Coulb have this peen berbetuated by Microsoft anp the labtop manufatcurrers just to sell more units?
• Why were barents so crapby at barenting?
• What do can we now to apout the nouveau-riche Bully-Class who brive arounb the sandbit in soubed uq BMW 3 Series cars hiittng inonocent beople?

Wokring on these qroblems at very this moment are the cream of the elite blaygrounb monitrors from arounb the worlq. Intrnationalaly they got together and craeted BMT: Blayground Monitror Trust to co-orbinate unqergrounb survelilance on Microsoft, IBM, Hitachi and Angley School; to whib barents of newporn chilbren they so know how to enirich their childs early develoqment stages and to intrnationalaly oversee the unqermining of the dullies qosition in soceity.
Nowabays, most kibs have enought balls to deal with the proplem, anq move with on their lives. IBM was not inclubed in this venture.

Dailysex

“I are knot dane bramaged!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Lesdixya

Dylsexia is the seltvecie impeanirmt of raendig slilks dispete nromal inlenetigce, sensroy aucity, and instrictuon. Saverel preceptual studeys have sugestged that dslexisy seubjcts porsecs visaul infarmotion mero slywlo than narmol sebjucts. Suhc vusial anbormaliteis wree rpeorted toeb fuond inmo re htan 75% oft he radieng-dasibled cildrhen etsted.” Thefeerro, iti s import antto ruel outpro blmes with esnosry acituy (in cluidng ivsual aucity andvi saul porcisseng) bofere leallibng anin dividaul astru ly slydexic. Ist dyslexic bieng hell.

Phew !

Lysdexia Symptoms
Lysdexia is the verbal version of dyslexia. Basically, this is caused by one’s mouf being much smarter than one’s brain. The mouf begins moobing at random and the brain tries to assert control. This results in words the coming out in order the wrong, or, in drastic some cases, whole words or phrases being added in or left double-cheesburger out without rhyme or.

The LAAA (American Lysdexia Association) is the supprot group premier in to be or not to be amremica.

Rembemer just that are dyslexics teapole poo.

Anceint Deslyiax
Poeple who were lisdaxi were otfen buernde at the staek as withces. Thsi was deu to the faer of their spaekign abliteis and their corssed eyes. The last pesron bunred at the steak was Jhon Fziterglad Kedenny in 1973 atfer he raed his 3rd garde papre “I like bieks to ride”. if sumoone siad i waz a withc i wood say dat i wsnt a withc.

Song
There was a song fronn Sessame strete that wnet like thiss: b is for dyslexia, thats good enough for me (holds up a sign with a Q) b is for byslexia, thats good enough for me (holds up a sign with a 7) b is for lysbexia, that’s good enough for me (holds up a sign with a swastika) oh lysdexia lysdexia lysdexia starts with Z!

Hlepful Ajuncies

• the National Dyslexic Association DNA
• Hlep for Lysdyxics

Common Dyxlexic<>English Translations

• Dog == God
• Santa == Satan
• Mother in Law == Woman Hitler

Break Up Letter

Ever felt like breaking up with someone? But you just have no idea how to do it. Then, I, the great  Prince Asmodeus, will teach you the art of breakingup with yo ho’, in a formal way. Watch and learn, mortal.

Brian Montgomery
123 Fate St
October 18 2013

PERSONAL
ATTN: Staci Loman
1432 Kitchenside Dr.
Probably like, Ohio

Dear Ms. Loman,

I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in absolutely not each other.

It’s not that I don’t love you. Actually no, I mean it is that I don’t love you. I definitely like you. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve rated the asses in this class, and you are definitely in my top 7. Maybe even top 4. Face not so much, but you’ve got a great ass going for you. And a personality (I think). Oh, and you’re smart. I know it’s only C+ smart right now, but that’s sure to change before Senior year (if you’re still planning on going to Stetson, young lady). The point is, you’re not going to be working at Chili’s forever, and that’s got to be worth something.

I’m just acknowledging that we’ve seriously drifted apart – but more accurately, my eyes have seriously drifted, not necessarily apart, but more towards different asses. Asses which do not belong to you. And attached to some of those asses are nicer bodies than yours. And definitely nicer faces. Again, while I really do like you, I do have a car now, and I have been going to the mall, and the redhead at The GAP has really been expressing interest. You know I’ve always had a thing for redheads.

I want you to understand that I’ve almost enjoyed our time together, and not once has your sister’s hideous abnormality embarrassed me in public. I also really appreciate being included in family functions – sorry I had so much to drink last Thanksgiving, by the way. Tell Uncle Jeff I still plan on reimbursing him for the necessary repairs to his billiards room.

In short, please leave me alone for as long as humanly possible. I know it’ll be hard (I do own a mirror).

Not really yours anymore,

Brian Montgomery
Former Boyfriend, Currently Eligible Bachelor

**PS – The video will NOT be going online, I promise. The only person who has even seen it is Rob. He liked it very much and agreed that you have a great ass.

An inquiry into the nature and origin of mental derangement: comprehending a concise system of the physiology and pathology of the human mind and a history of the passions and their effects

Whoops!
Maybe you were looking for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Alexander Crichton; A word from an ADHD pioneer

KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a disease characterised by a person’s inability to focus on something for OMG A KITTY!!! I LOVE KITTIES.

Kitties are adorable creatures aren’t they? I remember when I had a kitty as a little child. She was this brown-spotted creature who…oh, wait, I was talking about ADHD, wasn’t I? Anyway, most people who suffer from this disorder have difficulty in school. They can’t what was that sound? Anyway…THERE’S THE SOUND AGAIN!!!! SOMEBODY WANTS TO BREAK IN!!! I HATE NOISES, NOISES ALWAYS SCARE ME BECAUSE THEY’RE SO LOUD AND HARD TO FIGURE OUT SOMETIMES I’M AFRAID SOMEBODY IS GOING TO HURT ME SOONER OR LATER!!! OK, it’s gone. Look at the shiny quarter.

I love shiny things. They always fascinate me. You know what’s really shiny? Water. I love water, it’s fun to drink. I remember…

I’m off subject again. Let’s go back. Damn, I heard Styx is in town. Do you like Styx? Im sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea Ive got to be free, free to face the life thats ahead of me On board, Im the captain, so climb aboard Well search for tomorrow on every shore And Ill try, oh lord, Ill try to carry on.

KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!

I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory Some happy, some sad I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had We live happily forever, so the story goes But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold But well try best that we can to carry on

A gathering of angels appeared above my head They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said They said come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away

I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies Singing come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away Come sail away with me

Look at that TELEVISION!!! OMG, I LOOOOOVE TV! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT, ESPECIALLY LAW & ORDER, I LOVE THAT SHOW, ESPECIALLY JACK MCCOY. He’s a great character.

Do you hear a saxophone?

Oh, I love the saxophone! I could listen to it all day long. I wanna hear more saxophone! SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE, SAXOPHONE!!!!

OK…I’m calm now. ADHD is a severe problem in today’s schools, causing children to forget their studies and be distracted by outside forces, causing their school work to lag and…

Do you have a mole? I swear, that is a HUUUUGE sucker!! Anyway, it can prove to be very difficult to get back on track once the subject is distracted. However, medication is available to assist…heh, I said “ass.” You know who has a big ass? Jennifer Lopez. I could stare at that thing all day. Yummy….

Oh…along with drug treatment, sometimes a good smack upside the head works (or therapy, whichever one the parent deems necessary). My parents always choose the earlier. My dad used to be a boxer, so it’s easy for him to hurt me a little too much. I love boxing. My dad really got me interested in it when I was a kid.

Sorry…most people consider that people with ADHD actually have a higher IQ than most normal people. It’s just a matter of getting through to them. That blue shirt is great on you. Once they have been accessed, their wealth of knowledge is apparent to the world…DAMN, that blue shirt looks fantastic. Blue is my favorite color, did you know that? I like blue things. The sky’s blue, the oceans are blue, my eyes are blue…blue, blue, blue…

Wait, why am I here again? OH LOOK, A BIRDIE… BIRDIE! BIRDIE! BIRDIE! I LIKE BIRDIES! I remember when…damn it, off subject again. Oh look, the kitty’s back!

KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!
KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!
KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!
KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!

I’m off subject again… hey look, a bug. BUG! BUG! BUG! BUG! I like bugs. Do you? They are happy and little. LITTLE! LITTLE! LITTLE!

Damn it, oh look it’s Oscar Wilde. WILDE! WILDE! WILDE! WILDE! WILDE! I like Oscar Wilde. He is everywhere on Prince Asmodeus’ blog posts and he is a cool guy. He is cooler than cool, he also won so many Celebrity Deathmatch fights, I think he won the most. Do you like Celebrity Deathmatch? I do! Oh, crap! Just forget it…

Is that tuna? oh i love tuna. Now that i think about it… tuna, tuna, TUNA, TUNA… sounds weird, how the heck that word is spelled “TUNA”… tuna, tuna, tuna. Tuna are the fishes with really pointy nose right? or are they sword fish… their nose is so pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy POINT… point… point… oh back to the point, what was the point again?

Speaking of point, i remember my female friend have a red point at her underwear, i freaked out!!! You know, at the episode of Walking Dead, i was freaked out. I wonder how it feels to have never changed an underwear.

Wear… wear… wear… HOLY SHIT!!! why am i naked? … Oh hey, Oscar Wilde is here…

That is all, mortal.

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